Living with Others

Your Community 

In the residence halls, each floor will work with their RA(s) to create a Community Living Agreement for their floor. A Community Living Agreement is a compact among members of the floor. The agreement is based on the need for individuals on the floor to establish clear expectations for one another. These expectations form the foundation for interactions within the community. The compact enables students to make choices on their floor as well as allows for residents to create their own unique living environment.

The process of developing the community living agreement should take the form of a discussion among the entire community. The floor creates the agreement through dialogue and consensus. The compact is based on guidelines of how floor members will treat one another and the group. The Community Living Agreement should begin with a basic compact, which includes two rules:

  • all members agree to abide by all the community agrees to do
  • all members should respect other members and their belongings

The Community Living Agreement carries with it a responsibility. This responsibility is to enforce the compact when violated. Students are encouraged to approach each other to discuss Agreement violations prior to involving the RA.

We also recommend that students living in our houses and apartments develop something that resembles a community living agreement. In apartments and houses it will resemble a combination of the suggestions below and the philosophies above.

Your Roommate, Suitemates, or Housemates

The key to building a successful roommate, suitemate, or housemate relationship is keeping the lines of communication open. This step can sometimes be difficult, but you are not alone – do not forget to use your RA, AM and RLC! Talking with the people who share your same living space about many different issues, from what to bring when to you both move in to your experiences and personalities, will help you build a successful relationship.

Things to Talk About

Sharing a Space You both may be nervous about sharing a space. Talking about these anxieties is the best way to relieve some of your worries. Also discuss who will bring what large items to help furnish your space. Have fun decorating your space together. Personalize the décor and incorporate your tastes together.

Sleep, Study, and Social Habits These areas can cause many conflicts, so discuss your preferences when you first arrive. Set boundaries that touch on all aspects of how the space will be used. Visitors, including significant others, can be a particularly powerful source tension. If you share common spaces like suites or kitchens, discuss how these spaces will be used.

Experiences, Personality, and Background One of the most rewarding and challenging aspects of living with other people is learning about one another. You will learn little habits and quirks as well as the stories of their life that make them who they are. Learn pet peeves and preferences. You will want to know what actions to avoid so you do not push the limits of your relationship. Getting to know each others preferences and needs will help you offer and maintain courtesy and respect in your relationship.

How to Handle Conflict Talking about how you will handle conflict before it happens can help you and your roommate, suitemates, and housemates develop trust in one another. Remember to talk through problems together. Confronting issues as they happen will help your relationship be open and positive, even during times of conflict. Be honest with each other about your feelings and take responsibility for your own part in the relationship.

Tips for a Successful Relationship

Flexibility is key. It never fails that as soon as you want to watch TV, another person has to study. Be flexible! One person may need to study elsewhere or watch TV with a friend. You both have rights in the space, so do not expect that your rights take priority. Being open minded and understanding will help you remain flexible in your relationship with your roommates, suitemates, and housemates.

Listen to each other and avoid making assumptions. Many fights start over these very things. If you are not spending a lot of time in the space, your roommate or housemate may decide that you no longer like him/her, which could lead to hurt feelings and roommate quarrels. If something is bothering you, address it with him/her. If you are unsure how to do this, discuss it with your RA or AM first. Avoid gossiping about these issues with other people as this can lead to rumors and distrust.

You do not have to be the best of friends to be the best of roommates/suitemates/ housemates. Finding a balance between doing activities together and maintaining separate interests will help. If you are on different schedules and may not see each other more than once a day, set time aside each week to catch up. Past roommates and housemates have enjoyed eating Saturday brunch together, having a movie night each week, or playing video games together.

Have fun! This can be a great experience. Maintain an optimistic attitude and open mind, and remember the positive aspects of having a roommate.