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1+1=2 
"The above proposition is occasionally useful." - Bertrand Russell
 
"Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable."  - Mark Twain 
 
"The true spirit of delight, the exaltation, the sense of being more than Man, which is the touchstone of the highest excellence, is to be found in mathematics as surely as poetry." - Bertrand Russell
 
"Regression analysis is more art than science." - Steven Levitt
 
"A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there." - Charles Darwin
 
"Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about." - Philippe Schnoebelen

"If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will." - Paul Harvey
 
"This is a one line proof, if we start sufficiently far to the left." - Cambridge University Math Department
 
"Mathematics is like love, a simple idea, but it can get complicated." - Unknown

"The highest moments in the life of a mathematician are the first few moments after one has proved the result, but before one finds the mistake." - Unknown
 
"There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who can’t." – George Carlin
 
Laws of Mathematics that Govern Institutional Research:
 
Grabel’s Law: 2 is not equal to 3. Not even for very large values of 2. (The only exception is when your provost intervenes.) 

The Fundamental Theorem of Analysis: Any theorem of analysis can be proven on an arbitrarily small piece of paper provided the author is sufficiently vague.

The Golden Rule of Teaching Mathematics: You must tell the truth, and nothing but the truth, but not the whole truth. (Also true of wedding toasts and eulogies.) 

The Golden Rule of Deriving: Never trust any result that was proved after 11 pm.